Some graduate students were telling me about a student in their lab who attends conferences with her small child. They spoke of it with a slightly disparaging tone (only insomuch that they could still walk the fine line of being PC), and I couldn't help but feel sad that there was no sense of empathy for what it must be like to be that mom. Although it's possible she takes her child along because she wants more QT, I think it's more likely that she does it because there aren't too many alternatives. This made me think of other moms I'd heard of who take their children to conferences (a brave few I think given that I have yet to notice the presence of children at any conference I've attended). These are the reasons I've heard people give for doing so:
1. The child is small enough that it is still nursing
2. The cost of childcare is too high for students / post docs to leave the child with someone
3. The spouse works full-time and there is no nearby network of family / close friends who can watch the child
These are the reasons I've heard people give for why this is a terrible idea:
1. It makes it difficult for the mom to concentrate on the talks
2. It makes it difficult for anyone else in the same room to concentrate on the talks (I assume this mainly applies to louder children, or to people who are easily distracted because they hate/love babies)
3. It's unprofessional (I'm not sure what this means unless it means 'different than what's typically done by those in the profession,' in which case this is certainly true.)
I've also heard that some people will book an extra room for a grandparent / spouse who can watch the child during parts of the conference. (Some women have also been known to try this solution if they're nursing while going on job interviews.) This sounds like a great solution although it's somewhat cost prohibitive.
Long story short, I think people need to get over it when someone tries to live their life and balance their job in a way that isn't "the norm." The face of academia and the job market in general has been changing (slowly but surely) over the last few decades. I for one am excited about what this world will look like in another few decades. (Who knows, maybe they'll have temporary daycare available at conferences.)
5 weeks ago
Just got back from a conference where I saw several children, including one that belongs to a friend. I was excited because last time I saw her she was pregnant and I rarely get to see colleagues kids since they don't usually come to conferences. He's so cute!!!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I brought both my kids to meetings with me when they were nursing (and brought a grandma to babysit - on her dime luckily). I've also brought little one's in slings to seminars in my departments. It's hard to go to talks with them once they get vocal when they are awake, but when they are really little it can work. Poster session work well with a baby carrier.
Now that my kids are weaned I generally leave them at home (with relatives when both parents are gone) because I get more out of meetings when I can network in the evenings, etc. And the kids do best in their own routines at home/daycare. A highly mobile toddler in a hotel room all day can be enough to drive even a grandma batty. =)
But, you do what you need to do and sometimes that includes kiddos at conferences. Sometimes you just have to give up worrying about what other people think, which is pretty much true anytime you set foot on an airplane with an infant/toddler. And some conferences (Society for Neuroscience) have babysitting available. Hopefully more will be progressive soon.
I used to bring my kids to conferences when I was nursing some years ago, but with husband or a babysitter. I have never brought them into the actual presentations but I totally would have if no other alternatives were available and I wanted to hear particular presentations. Of course I would forgo the presentations if the kiddo was crancky and vocally distracting others. ME is right. You do what you need to do, based on your own best judgement, not others.
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