I decided it would be interesting to quantitatively track my perspective on "desirability of an academic job" this week. First an intro as to why...A graduate student I spoke with recently was surprised / disappointed when I told her that being a postdoc didn't automatically make you any more certain of your future and that many postdocs still wonder whether they really will end up in academia.
She said "darn! I was hoping to have the answers by then." But I had to tell her that, alas, just being 1 year (or N years) "wiser" doesn't mean you actually have all the answers. (In fact, many of the faculty I've spoken with echo the same sentiment of "still trying to figure it all out.")
And now to the plot! At the beginning and end of each day I recorded my desire to go into academia on a scale from 1 to 5 (Monday was retroactively averaged since I started this Tuesday).
1 = No way, Jose
5 = Academia, here I come!
A few observations:
~ Though my desire does fluctuate, the average is definitely a significant shift upwards relative to my theoretical plot from graduate school
~ In most cases I gave higher ratings at the end of the day. Apparently I enjoy working in my postdoc enough that it makes me want to stay in academia. (Or maybe I'm just not a morning person.)
~ I was surprised that specific events didn't always catalyze the ebbs and flows of my desire for an academic job. Rather a lot of the fluctuations were related to whether I was over-analyzing the future (as usual), was tired / cranky, was optimistic for no particular reason, etc.
~ I wonder what it would take for me to feel a "5" on any given day...
All in all, this was a rather fun and interesting self-reflection game, so I may play it again next week.
Notes on points A and B
A: Met with my advisor who was feeling overwhelmed. This was not for any reason related to me, but it still made me question my sanity in wanting an academic job.
B: Submitted a grant application for money I was unlikely to get, but it still felt good to get it off my plate!
Yeah, I've been a postdoc for a year and a half now and it's only been within the last couple of months that my desire to applying for TT positions has cemented itself. I've frankly been pretty appalled by my continual uncertainty, but I guess that's pretty normal.
ReplyDeleteIt is very understandable to have doubts. But my friendly advise is that if you think you are capable for an academic job and don't have a strong preference towward industry at this point, then put your mind to academia and work as hard as you can to achieve the goal. Even if you may change your mind eventaully after a year or two, the hard working now will benefit you to secure an industry job jus the same.
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