A new year, a new outlook?

Happy New Year everyone! May it bring you wonderful things... luck, joy, contentment, success, etc.

It turns out I was far more worried than I needed to be about telling my advisor. I received a congratulations and even a plethora of advice (on childcare, etc.)! Needless to say I hope my productivity lives up to expectations so that this positive trend of interactions continues.

Speaking of productivity, I'm wondering what will happen to my undergraduate students who I mentor in the lab when my little person is born. I was thinking of still meeting with them weekly while I'm on maternity leave, but I'm not sure if this is realistic. If I leave the baby with my husband for a couple hours between nursings, can I go into campus? Will having an episiotomy prevent me from being mobile for a couple weeks? So many questions and frankly I have no idea what's realistic to expect. Any experienced advice from other women out there is welcome. I really don't want to leave my undergrads feeling as if I've abandoned them.

I also wonder how the arrival of a new little person (/ huge part) of my life will affect my outlook on jobs, science, etc. I know so many talented, career-oriented women who stopped in their career tracks and chose to focus on their family. Is a switch going to get flipped in me too? Of course I realize I'm not suddenly going to be a maternal robot without capacity to make a rational decision, but I also assume having a child will have a very very large impact on my life outlook.

Is there really an ideal job for a female scientist who wants time with her family? Is either academia or industry better suited for this? I have mixed opinions at this time, and may post on them later.

Take a deep breath... and jump

Today is the big day, i.e., the day I tell my advisor I'm expecting (more than just data). Some potential conversation starters....

~Talk about research. Hopefully goes well. Followed by...~
Me: "So... Guess what. I'm pregnant."
Advisor: "Uh. Okay."

~Talk about research. Hopefully goes well. Followed by...~
Me: "There is one more piece of data I thought you might find interesting... I'm having a baby!"
Advisor: "Get out."

~Talk about research. Hopefully goes well. Followed by...~
Me: "Did you know data suggests a well-rounded, happy worker is a more productive worker? Speaking of rounded workers, I will be pretty round in the coming months..."
Advisor: "Are we done? I've got a meeting in 5 minutes."

~Talk about research. Hopefully goes well. Followed by...~
Me: "There was one more thing I wanted to share with you. I'm pregnant."
Advisor: "That's wonderful! Congratulations!"

Expected outcome: Unknown

Thanks for the little things

As we come upon the Thanksgiving holiday, I find I have one additional little thing to give thanks for. My postdoc advisor.

My advisor said to me today: "I'm so glad you decided to join my lab." This was after a discussion of what I've been up to recently.

Nevermind that I'm not sure it's deserved. Nevermind that I don't have piles of publishable data yet. Nevermind that I sometimes wonder whether I'll get my postdoc contract renewed next year.

For today that was a wonderful thing to hear.

Hypocrisy is an ugly beast

I was very angry yesterday because my Ph.D. advisor let me down yet again. We do this dance every time I need a letter of recommendation. He says he'll write it, then he goes into a phone and email black hole until the day of the deadline (or after). I don't understand what's so hard about responding to someone's email and saying "I did see your email, and I will get back to you by ---." Is it really more effective to completely ignore the person, thereby stressing them out?

I should add that I try to keep my emails to a minimum and I'm very courteous and grateful in them. The last thing I want to do is piss him off. But how can he be too busy to meet a deadline he agreed to... and then I find out he's off camping? Everyone needs a break, but shouldn't you finish up your obligations beforehand?

So with a recent deadline for a fellowship, he as usual stopped picking up his phone and answering his emails. Then an hour before the website stops accepting submissions, he finally picked up his phone. (I always know he's done with a letter when he finally stops avoiding calls.) He said he was done and had submitted it. Except I had just called the fellowship office (shamefacedly) to ask if he had submitted, and they hadn't received anything from him. It turns out he had submitted a letter for something else by accident... and the deadline for that something was still a month off! So we went back to our little game until he finally submitted just before the deadline.

The several days leading up to the deadline were so stressful for me. I had worked hard to submit all my materials on time, all my other recommenders had submitted on time, and all I had was this missing letter from my advisor who was ignoring me completely. I think one thing that finally helped nudge his hand was when I called on a few friends who are still in his lab to go to his office and bug him in person. (The in person reminders were the only way I used to be able to get him to do anything when I was his student.)

I should also add that he once sent me a letter one week after a deadline. Luckily in that case it was something I could mail in and I had accounted for his usual irresponsible quirk by giving him a deadline that was a bit earlier than the actual. So I still managed to get the application in by overnighting it.

I think the thing that bothers me most is that he used to complain so much when I was a graduate student about how his students always leave him with unfinished papers and then he never hears back and has to do all the work, or else it's like pulling teeth to get them to respond. I have always been prompt to respond to his emails when we were publishing together. I even respond promptly to his current students who still periodically email me with questions about the apparatus I built. Hypocrisy is an ugly beast.